我實在太高估自己了... The Hedgehog's Dilemma is as real as it can get....

It is very hard, Lord... I bow before You, and I admit I cannot love like You do... I cannot love unconditionally, I just cannot at the moment... The fear of vulnerability is too real...

「花也哭　花亦笑 似在說　無望也不要緊」... 不, 原來在這一刻真的很要緊... Yet You say it's the only way... Oh Lord please take this cup from me...

Oh I now understand just how precious is Your unconditional love... Love that never ceases no matter the circumstances, love that never fails no matter what stupid thing I do... Seems so cliche, but oh how desperately we need such a love to exist, and I am grateful it does... Human love can just be so fragile...

Either hot or cold, but not lukewarm... I am beginning to understand why that's so important to You Lord, I am...

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"Teach me how to love like You have loved me"... this might just be the most important course in our lives... Your love, Lord, is so simple, but so not easy to follow...

Love is patient... why don't we start with lesson number one...

The Hedgehog's Dilemma

Have you heard of the Hedgehog's Dilemma? The closer two hedgehogs get to each other, the more they may hurt each other...

Many times, we can be afraid of opening up and growing close to another person, because we are afraid we will hurt each other eventually... And so we keep our distance...

Yes, it feels so vulnerable after you pour out your heart... But you know what, I refuse to stop pouring out my heart, because that's really the only way to intimacy between individuals... God poured out His everything, and He chose no other way... Yeah, it's hard, but the only way, says Mother Teresa. Now I can at least understand a bit about what Jesus' agony was about... Yes, it was extremely hard, but He knew all along that was the only way...

I haven't told you about the second half of the dilemma: if those two hedgehogs remain apart, then they will each feel the pain of loneliness...

So the question is, will I choose the certainty of loneliness, or the possible pain of closeness? It's hard, but I think I know which one I will choose... because with God, I already made that choice, and I don't regret it any single moment of my life.

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Epilogue:

There's a side of the Dilemma that brings me comfort... that in nature, hedgehogs don't have that dilemma at all, and that they stay close to each other for warmth.

今晚突然記起這一首歌... 雖然情景沒有那麼棲涼, 但今晚覺得特別動聽...

等了又等

1. 但願栽花可以忘掉傷感
季節變遷了　始終不改我心
但願你未在人生中消失
抹掉眼淚為你再等

Pre-chorus:
時日秒秒細緻像塵
仍為你記錄了在何年何月與日
曾是愛過便叫人興奮
縱讓折磨的心　等了又等

Chorus:
愛著你　掛念你
渴望你前來和我接近
花也哭　花亦笑
似在說　無望也不要緊

我願意　有日會
一覺甦醒這夢會變真
你若有日回來　重生多可愛
盼為我　親這心　深深去吻

2. 但願花朵可以陪伴一生
季節變遷裡　細數天天變更
動物作伴未能開解痴心
暗地裡又為你再等

「不能讓人想點就點」

今晚討論了一些關於教會的問題, 講到其實我們教會臥虎藏龍, 但偏偏人們不肯走出來, 也沒有人去鼓勵, 去發掘。 縱使有人想出一番力去侍奉, 最後都是受盡壓力... 做新的嘗試, 有著隨時被奚落的危險。

最後, 我們下的結論就是, 教會畢竟是教會, 主日崇拜是嚴肅的, 不能讓人想點就點。

但想下想下, 突然發現其實這正就是問題的所在... 「不能讓人想點就點」 這句話真的累死人... 耶穌做的一切, 是使我們因為祂的恩典得自由, 能夠沒有約束地敬拜神。我們其實是誰, 去指三道四? 我們是誰, 去阻止人們用神賜與的才能來敬拜祂? 為什麼不能出錯, 是誰說的?

如果教會不能成為人可以自由敬拜、侍奉的地方,
如果教會不能成為一個以互相包容和鼓勵見稱的地方,
那試問神的殿在那裡?

其實, 這也是因為人有 控制 的需要, 因為人害怕... 但就如 Wing 在 summer camp 跟小朋友的經歷一樣, 人越想去控制, 人往往就在阻止神的工作... Do not box God in, He is far far far greater and unexpected than we imagine.