I was feeling sick... I just wanted to get out of the box I was stuck in, I just wanted to let it loose, I wanted to be close to the creation, close to God...

Little pine tree by the cliff, thank you for your great company.

Little Pine Tree
How I envy thee;
Looking out to the ocean
Every breaking of the day
To feel the warmth of the Sun
Gently brushing on your face.

Little Pine Tree
How I envy thee;
To call eagles and seagulls your friends
To watch them pairs soar across the land
Oh how God cares for them all
As they fly innocent of the worries of man.

Little Pine Tree
How I envy thee;
To gaze upon the grandness of the oceans
And to witness the Creator's gentle magnificence
In every red-streaked sunset
To understand our own pale insignificance.

Oh Little Pine Tree
Here's a little question for thee:
Under the same same sky
Millions of people heads down busying with their lives
If only they took one minute to see what we see
Is it just me, or will they, too, envy thee?

- CK

Just had a discussion with my parents over last night's revelation...

Some points that came across:

1. We are born with different personalities (which aren't good or bad as such, just different), but we are born with a 'blank' worldview. Worldviews are learned.

I agree that worldviews are learned (and we try to teach kids a good worldview), but I am more interested in the question of whether our worldviews are really born blank.

Imagine taking a bunch of kids right after they are born (before teaching them ANYTHING), and putting them in a forest with no animals; imagine, for the sake of keeping them alive, that we secretly provide them food to eat every day. Now, if we put a toy in the midst of them, will they fight for it, or will they share it? That is their innate worldview, their instinct.

That's where my parents and I kind of agreed: that humans, if nothing tells them otherwise, ultimately fight for their own survival. We may think we are not, because we live in abundance, and we don't really need to 'survive' in they physical sense. But even in an abundant society, people can still be very selfish and fight for different 'kinds' of survival (at work, at social status...)

And that bothers me very much, because this says I am really no better than any other person on this Earth. This instinct, this plague, is in me. Now I am doing quite alright keeping my instinct under check, but in times of life and death, I am not really sure how selfless I can be.

The comfort is, again, that something in my heart tells me that there's more to be human than our animal instincts; that even in times of life and death, there is such a thing as human dignity, as many noble people in history have shown us.

Blue Like Jazz - Chapter 2: Problems

Man this one was powerful. It made a revelation to me so strong that it woke me up in the middle of a dream, and now I am writing this.

Kids. 人之初，性本善，or 性本惡? The thing is, if "人之初，性本善", then even if we don't teach kids anything, they would become naturally good people. But, ask every parent, and they'll tell you that's not the case. If there is no adult keeping an eye, they steal other kids' toys, they fight, they say cusswords. Even if there is an adult, they have a hard time being honest. There is a reason we need to teach kids: because it doesn't come natural to them.

Society. Now try imagining this: if there were no law or police outside right now, would the society improve for the better, or descend into anarchy? I think it's so clear: I wouldn't want to go out on the street if there were no cops. The reason I drive 50km/hr is because the cop is behind me. If he's not, I break the rules so easily.

Which tells us something profound about the human condition, including my own. That somehow, if humans are left by themselves without restraint, we will descend into anarchy. I finally just got Lord of the Flies. Humans really do have a sinful nature. I have a sinful nature.

Doing the 'wrong' things is so natural, but doing the 'right' things takes so much effort. Being ignorant is so easy, being knowledgeable takes some effort. Being selfish is really easy, being selfless takes a lot of effort.

That is why, whenever this world changes a step to the better, it's because someone has fought toes and nails for it. Think about human slavery, think about racism and human rights; People had to fight for them, imagine... why? because "noble" things are not natural to the human condition.

The scary revelation is that I am no exception... I am no different than people shown in the evening news. They are human, I am human. If they are capable of doing those atrocities, then I am capable too. In times of war and survival, would I really be capable of keeping my "cool" like now? Perhaps... but the 'right' conscience is something that needs to be fought toes and nails for. But I am glad there is a 'right' conscience at all. It is comforting to know.