The art of losing myself

Just read from a book which quoted another book:

"A real barrier preventing Christians from enjoying the rest that Jesus promised is self-effort. Many have been so conditioned to believe that they must "do something for God" that they are constantly struggling to do more and more. Many have rededicated self to God again and again. Yet self is what stands in the way of victorious Christian living. As long as we struggle to live the Christian life, Christ is hindered from living it through us." (Steve McVey, Grace Walk)

Then it continued:

"Jesus does not want to help you be patient, kind, or forgiving. Jesus wants to live His patience, kindness, and forgiveness through you. There is a major difference between these."

That was enlightening.

Again, it's the art of losing myself.

Live by Grace

簡單來講:

基督徒的生命不是靠努力或意志力; 如果是的話就完全 miss 晒神個 point; 好人做唔到一來, 二來愛人會愛得很累, 很快就會心灰意冷; 最後更加享受不到神曾應許的豐盛生命和自由。

基督徒的生命是一個「降服」(surrender) 的生命。放下自我, 放下私慾, 拿著掏空了的心來尋求神, 神就會給你看見。祂會給你一個柔軟的肉心, 然後愛、喜樂的微笑、心靈的平安、聖潔的思想、及所有所有能夠滿足心靈和造就別人的東西, 都會從你的內心, 由內至外地流露出來, 很自然, 絕對不用假裝。很多事情, 不再是因為你覺得應該要做, 而是你想去做。去愛你身邊的人, 不再是一種責任, 而是你的渴望。這豈不是一種福份嗎?

這就是靠著神的恩典而活 (Live by grace), 也是基督徒應有的生活方式。耶穌說: "“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."

有多少人真的能夠每天都 "deny himself"?

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講到恩典 (grace), 我覺得 Amazing Grace 這首歌就真的完全表達了什麼叫 surrender 的生命... 可能這就是它永垂不朽的原因, 到現在還能感動千千萬萬的心。

Amazing Grace
music/lyrics: John Newton (1725-1807)
piano: Jim Brickman
vocal: Ginny Owens

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far
and grace will lead me home.

It's time to come down the mountain

The phrase "mountaintop experience" has been in my mind a lot recently. It's that feeling of reassurance, of ecstasy, of feeling 'pumped up' as I am immersed in God's loving presence, whether it's during worship, a sermon, alone in my room or in nature. He has revealed so much to me lately that my heart feels so full.

But time and again, I am reminded I need to come down the mountain. Even though I enjoy that indescribable feeling, I eventually need to come down the mountain and live my ordinary life, of having to deal with people, my work, the chores and all the little routines and nitty-gritty responsibilities.

I can't afford to stay on the mountain all the time, because seeking self-pleasure is really not what Christian life is about. What I need to learn, though, is how to come down the mountain without forgetting the experience, and use my heart's fullness to propel me to do what it is I need to do. But this is easier said than done, because what is revealed on the mountaintop is sometimes quite scary... But dreams are what gives us hope to live.

As for you, follow me

This was such a wonderful revelation that I couldn't help to get up and write this down. This is the third passage God gave me reminding me not to be critical of other Christians. Oh Lord, who am I that you care so much about me?

First one:
"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)
--
Second one:
"Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him judge whether they are right or wrong" (Romans 14:4)
--
Third one:
John chapter 21, beginning verse 15:

15 After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter,
“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.

16 Jesus repeated the question:
“Simon son of John, do you love me?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”
“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.

17 A third time he asked him,
“Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep. [...]
Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

20 Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” 21 Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”
22 Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”

It was as if the three times Jesus asked "do you love me?", He was speaking right into my heart. "Because if you do", he told me, "then feed my sheep. And feed them, whether they are clean, dirty, awkward, pushy or gone astray. Whatever their conditions may be, just feed them, because they are my sheep, and I love them".

"And even if the sheep are bad, what is that to you? As for you, just follow me". Yes, I have no business in interfering nor judging another believer's relationship with You. That's between You and him, and I must trust You for that. As for me, I'll just be devoted in following You.

I think I know what You're trying to tell me, Lord.

Be still

God said, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." (John 14:1)

This is the answer that God gave me to soothe my troubled heart yesterday night. I think I kinda got it. I began to be critical because I felt disappointed that even among Christians, God isn't always glorified, sometimes even neglected altogether; and I was troubled because somehow I feared that everything God stands for was going to be conquered, and I did not have the strength to swim against the tide.

But God tells me, "be still, and know that I am God". Oh how reassuring this is... I am sorry God that I have so little trust in You. If God is really God, then what is there to be afraid of? What God stands for - love, justice, forgiveness and kindness - can never be defeated; holding on to these, I can walk with heads held high, and I know I've already won. I don't need to be critical of other Christians, because I can trust God will do His work on them, and He is in control. Instead, I will seek God, and seek the love and wisdom I need to relate to people.

Psalm 27 it says,

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
...
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord."

The True Meaning of Christmas

As Christmas nears, it's again time to reflect on what the true meaning of Christmas is. This Christmas has such a special meaning to me; so many things have happened since last Christmas, and the feeling is just so different. Everybody is celebrating Christmas... why? Is it just a tradition? Is it just a chance for people to have a break from work? Why is Christmas celebrated throughout the earth, what's so special about it? I guess, Christmas has been so commercialized these days that sometimes we celebrate without even knowing what we are celebrating.

I know what Christmas is about. We are celebrating Jesus' birth 2000 years ago, simple, right? We all know the story, baby Jesus in a manger in a barn, Joseph and Mary sitting beside, shepherds with sheep and cows and chickens, and the three wise men with the gifts, having followed the star to find the place where Jesus was born. It's such a simple story that I've taken for granted, but for the first time in my life, from Pastor Judah Smith's talk this year God made me realize the immense poetic beauty of the story, so rich in metaphor and in meaning...

First, some stuff that I didn't know about the story... In fact nobody really knows the exact date Jesus was born, nor why the church has chosen Dec 25th. All we know is that he was born some time between Aug and Dec. Another thing I didn't know was that nobody really knows how many "wise men" there were. The reason why people chose to depict 3 wise men was because of the 3 presents, but chances are there were many more.

The journey of the wise men is itself amazing. It was a long, arduous journey by camel across deserts and changing weather that lasted for more than a year... All they had was a bright star, and the incredible faith that just by following it, they will find a God-appointed king that would eventually rescue them from the oppression of the Roman empire, because that's what they read from the ancient scriptures. This was a journey of faith, and the decision to start the journey itself required an immense initial step of faith. How many of us would have such a courage?

But the story also illustrates that once we have the courage to step out in faith, we will find what we were looking for. "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). Christmas is all about the start of a journey and a search, and we are the ones who must take the initiative. From the beginning God intended for us to search Him out, and He promises we will find the answer if we do.

What the wise men find at the end of the journey is even more amazing. God had promised to send a king to free the people. Using just common sense, I believe everybody would have expected to arrive at a majestic palace covered with gold, with red carpet laid out on a large hall, leading to a marble throne, where everybody would bow down before this powerful king. After all, this is what a "king" should be like in human eyes. For a king who is sent by God, this cannot be an exaggeration. But God chose the completely opposite: not a palace, but a dirty and old barn where animals were kept; not surrounded by armies, but by shepherds and animals; not raised by a wealthy family, but by an unheard of teenage peasant and a carpenter; not a powerful ruler, but instead a baby, so vulnerable yet so serene. As Bono from U2 had famously put it, "the idea that the same love and logic (that created the universe) would choose to describe itself as a baby born in sh*t and straw and poverty is genius. And it brings me to my knees, literally." Yes... God does not bring people to their knees by fear, but by the serenity of a baby. I believe many people's glasses have fallen.

Christmas is about faith. Ridiculous faith, as the pastor put it. Watching a baby born in such a miserable condition, and somehow still believing that this baby is going to do great things in the future, seems just ridiculous to me. They were wise men, intelligent men, but they were still willing to humble themselves and kneel before this baby.

I never really paid attention to the gifts that the wise men gave to Jesus, nor that they had any special meaning. They gave him three kinds of gifts: Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. Gold was usually offered to a king, comparing Jesus as the king of the universe. A king that would not rule from a throne, but from a wooden cross; Frankincense was an incense that high priests burned in ancient times as an offering to God on the behalf of the people. This was a beautiful metaphor that Jesus would one day be the ultimate high priest, offering himself as the incense to God on behalf of us; finally, Myrrh was used to embalm dead bodies. Why would people give a baby such a present? It was, of course, a prophetic metaphor that this baby would one day die for mankind.

Christmas is about the birthday of Jesus. We might think of Christmas as the time of giving and receiving presents from friends and family, but if it's a birthday we are celebrating, shouldn't we be giving presents to the one whose having the birthday? Jesus, what do you want for your birthday? I wonder what He would answer. A photo album, a watch, a teddy bear? What can I give that you don't have already? I mean, you are God, you control everything, know everything, have eternity in your hands, what more can you want? I think, I sort of figured what He would answer. He wants our heart, He wants us to search Him out. That's all He wants. That's the true meaning of Christmas.

When the wise men meet Jesus, they went home by another route. Ask any Christian, and they will say, when you meet Jesus, you can never be the same, and you can never go back home the same way you came. For me, Christmas will never be the same.